First off, Happy New Year! Welcome to 2012. All of us at the editorial staff of MuddledDiction hope that you and yours truly have an amazing year. While we’re at it, we hope that in our absence you had a happy Thanksgiving, Christmas, Channukah, Kwanza, and that you enjoyed your Martin Luther King Day.
2012 looks to be an interesting and exciting year. Mitt Romney will likely be setting the stage for a Republican run on the House and Senate in 2014, Germany has taken on the responsibility of the entire European Union and LMFAO is starting off the year on the Billboard Top Ten list. What can we say, sorry for party rocking.
Does any of it matter? Of course not, the world is going to end before next year’s ball drops. According to a misinterpretation of Mayan history and culture, the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012. Apparently, the Maya had the ability to see into the future and also a bizarre affinity for John Cusack. And what did they see? JC center stage in the 2009 apocalyptic sci-fi thriller 2012. Buildings crumbling, great storms, flames and destruction, all to the tune of Adam Lambert’s “Time for Miracles.”
The Maya were pioneers of art, architecture, science and mathematics; if they believed in the gospel of John Cusack, maybe it is time for the rest of us to start paying closer attention. And so we present:
MD’s John Cusack-inspired guide to 2012
1) “Say Anything” in 2012: At this point you have less then 12 months of world left. Get the most out of the time you have. This is the year to go after that valedictorian you have no business asking out. If JC has taught us anything, it’s that stunning, attractive and intelligent women are often attracted to shlubby, average, trench-coat wearing guys. So go for that girl this year and, if all else fails, utilize the boom-box move.
2) Go “High Fidelity” in 2012: This is not a year for regrets. Since it may be our last together, now is the time to settle all outstanding accounts. Maybe 2012 is the year for you to win back the one that got away. JC seduces a former flame by recommitting to himself so that he can commit himself to her. Eh, this may be a little much for your last year. Approach with caution. But, in honor of High Fidelity, MD presents our Top Five World is Ending Songs.
- “When the World Ends” By Dave Matthews Band
- “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” By R.E.M. (we’ll miss R.E.M. in 2012)
- “End of the World” By Nancy Sinatra (if you like Nancy, check out Lana Del Rey)
- “Until the End of the World” By U2
- Pretty much anything by Ke$ha
3) For those readers who aren’t quite ready to go, step in the “Hot Tub Time Machine” in 2012: They (lunatics, I hope you understand that this theory is based off a faulty understanding of the Mesoamerican Long Count calender) say the world is ending. Maybe you’re not ready. Don’t go out quietly. Get the old crew back together and take this year’s party to the hot tub. Recapture your youth and be your 18-year-old self in 2012.
Ultimately, be good this year and do what JC would do, keep up with your weekly dose of MD. Happy New Year!