MD muses about possible solutions to the current NBA lockout situation. This week, characters from HBO.
Team HBO
"In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my c**k."
Point Guard: Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones
The diminutive Tyrion Lannister is a natural at the one position. Tyrion plays the game with a calculated precision; no pass is made without thinking about the bigger picture. More of a heady player than a true athlete, Tyrion is at his best when he gets under his opponent’s skin.
Who he reminds us of: Think Muggsy Bogues with Jason Kidd’s basketball IQ.
Question marks: Alcohol issues,namely obscene amounts of wine, and a lust for women that would make Wilt The Stilt proud.
Shooting Guard: James “Jimmy” Darmody, Boardwalk Empire
At first glance, Jimmy Darmody has all the tools to be a complete shooting guard. He thinks fast, acts quick, and is confident in his shooting abilities; the guy’s got a real killer instinct. A loose-cannon, Jimmy never backs down from a challenge.
Who he reminds us of: Gilbert Arenas.
Question marks: Jimmy suffered a serious leg injury in WWI and has been struggling with the pain ever since. He also has a terrible temper and is known for straining relationships with those closest to him.
Small Forward: Kenny Powers, Eastbound and Down
We’re frankly not sold on Kenny Powers at the starting three, but we’re banking on his prior experience in professional sports. Not exceptionally quick, Kenny relies on the power of his upper body and the precision of his arm. If allowed the chance to spot up, Kenny can be incredibly accurate. When motivated, Kenny shows flashes of brilliance, we’re just afraid he might bolt to Mexico.
Who he reminds us of: A mix between Ron Artest and Larry Bird
Question marks: Overall IQ, lack of team spirit, and a bevy of recreational drug addictions
Power Forward: George Christopher, Bored to Death
"I've never had anything removed before. I mean like my appendix, tonsils, wisdom teeth. I hold onto everything. I'm like a hoarder I guess, I'm like completely intact."
George Christopher’s long frame lends well to the four position. He is a standup teammate, and has great chemistry with the guys on and off the court. George is comfortable scoring and setting up his teammates for easy buckets, but is at his best when everyone is involved in the play. He is a likable leader, but needs constant reassurance that he is performing well.
Who he reminds us of: Bill Walton
Question marks: Is passionate about weed and women, and will occasionally slip into deep self-reflection or borderline depression. The occasional herpes sore is not uncommon.
Center: Jeff Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jeff is a large body and a real big macher on defense. He has a wealth of experience enduring physical and verbal punishment, but rarely does it distract him from supporting his teammates. Jeff is the ultimate “yes man,” a great locker room guy, and is known for keeping a group together.
Who he reminds us of: Glen “Big Baby” Davis
Question marks: consistently overweight, considered by some to be a pushover.
What to expect from Team HBO:
Team HBO will garner a marginal but intensely devoted following. Fans will enjoy not only the action on game nights, but the depth of emotions that the players display. Imagining alley-oop passes from Tyrion to George Christopher really gets us excited, as does Kenny Powers posting up on defenders. We liken Team HBO to the San-Antonio Spurs, well-respected by critics and basketball fans alike, but never gaining the universal acclaim of the L.A. Lakers.
