Halloween can be an intimidating time. It’s the ultimate-what-to-wear night. Do you go funny with your costume? Controversial? Sexy? Slutty? There are so many questions and so much anxiety. MuddledDiction is here for you. We present our Halloween costumes for 2011:
NBA Commissioner David Stern:
For all the trick-or-treaters out there who are considering taking this Halloween off, MuddledDiction recommends the David Stern. If you’re planning on staying home this year, even though everyone really wants to see you, this is the perfect costume.
Unintended consequence: A lot of time spent convincing people you’re going to be around for the Christmas party.
Former candidate for the Republican presidential nomination, Tim Pawlenty:
If you’re going to show up to the party, but just awkwardly walk around, spill someone’s drink, and then leave early, the former Minnesota governor is a good costume for you.
Star character of the HBO series Entourage, Vinny Chase:
There are a lot of people out there who really love Halloween. They look forward to it all year. In the months leading up to Halloween, they’ll talk to their friends about what crazy things they think are going to happen this year. Unfortunately, this kind of giddy anticipation can lead to a let-down.
If you’re planning on disappointing and alienating all of the people who have loved and supported you over the past 8 years, your Halloween costume is Vinny Chase. Every Halloween, you pick the best parties, you bring the hottest and most conversationally-stimulating women; you’re just an all around good-time kind of guy. 2011 is your opportunity to take your loyal friends for granted. On October 31st stumble through confusing and meaningless conversations, throw irrational and uncharacteristic plot twists into your night, and most of all, try to soil the brilliant reputation you had previously established for yourself.
Floridian dwarf and dwarf-tosser:
This is a two-man deal, but you’re guaranteed to be the talk of your Halloween party. This costume pays homage to the former Florida past-time known as “dwarf tossing.” Grab your closest dwarf friend and toss him on to a mattress just like we used to do in the good old days. This October the Florida Legislature began to consider repealing the statewide ban on our favorite bar game. Your party goers will forget beer-pong ever existed.
This is the ultimate high-risk, high-reward Halloween scenario. If you’ve had reasonable success dressing up as “It” celebrities, you might wanna take a stab at the Ryan Gosling. Worst-Case-Scenario: no one recognizes who you’re trying to be. Best-Case-Scenario: you return home with the often sought out, but rarely achieved, Halloween trifecta: the slutty vampire, the sexy nurse, and the dirty school-teacher.